The Adventures of College
by zman1289
Summary: It's been done a lot, I know. But I couldn't help it, so if you still don't know what it's about, it's about the lieutenants, and their wacky adventures in college!
1. The Meeting

A/N: Yes, like I said before, this has been done quite a few times. But what I have noticed is the fact that they all stunk. (No offense to any of those writers of course!) Also I have formed a diabolical plan to make sure this is one of the best LOK college stories ever. Also, this is my first Legacy of Kain fic, so give me a little credit! So now, without further ado, I give you my newest creation!  
  
Kain was waiting in the throne room patiently; he had called his lieutenants here to the Sanctuary of the Clans to discuss some urgent business with them. Within half an hour five of them had arrived. Kain was growing impatient, "Where the hell is Raziel? He should be here by now!"  
  
The other lieutenants gave each other a bunch of looks, trying to figure out who would tell him. They decided since Dumah was the strongest, he would tell Kain. Dumah was not at all happy about this. He knew if Raziel didn't get here in the next couple of minutes, he'd be the evening meal. "Well father...you see...the thing about...Raziel is...uh...he..."  
  
"Well tell me already you blubbering disgrace of a son!"  
  
"We haven't seen Raziel since last night when he went back to his place with some girl from Zephon's clan." Dumah shut his eyes and braced for Kain's thundering shouts, and his decapitation.  
  
Though he just stood there shocked, he did not say anything. There was an eerie silence until Kain finally got up and drew his sword, the Soul Reaver. (A note to fans, this is before Soul Reaver 1.) He slowly walked down the steps with his sword dragging on the floor. He stopped at Dumah and raised it, preparing to annihilate him. Just then, Raziel walked into the room, "How's it hanging my homies, hey show me some love Rahab!" Raziel raised his hand expecting a high five, but Rahab just fake coughed and motioned towards Kain, who was intently staring at him. "Uh oh!"  
  
Kain charged Raziel raising his sword, "This is the last time you're ever going to sleep around! I'm going to cut off your balls!" * Screams can be heard from all the Raziel fans girls, who were obviously panicking. * The rest of the lieutenants dove behinds pillars and anything else they could think of, while Kain took hack after hack at Raziel, who continued to dodge them all.  
  
"Hey, this is kind of fun. It's like a more deadly way of exercising. And left, right, up, down, and roll!" This continued until Kain grew tired and gave up. * A sigh of relief is heard in the audience. *  
  
"Well since that is now behind us, let's begin the meeting shall we?" Everyone just nodded and kept quiet. "I would hate to keep you in suspense, so I will get right to the point. You're all idiots so I'm sending you to college!"  
  
"What!?" Was heard in unison from the six lieutenants.  
  
"That's right, you're all going to get an education. Plus, Dumah you will be the first vampire ever to play college football! I got you a scholarship and everything!"  
  
"Gee wiz dad, how many people did you have to kill to me that?"  
  
Kain sounded very casual, "Oh, just 27."  
  
By this time Turel was getting annoyed by the whole idea, and felt he had to say something. "But we're over 300 years old now, college is for 18 year olds!"  
  
"Well I don't care you're going anyway so get packed! And Raziel, you'll be the one driving, so if I ever get a call saying my car got banged up, you can count on me finishing the job!" Kain then gives Raziel a death glare, which he ignores and walks out to pack up his stuff.  
  
3 hours later!  
  
They had all finished packing and loading up the car, while grumbling about how they were told the meeting was supposed to be about ice cream. They all hugged their "dad" and left for Nosgoth Community College! "Raziel, Melchiah keeps shedding on me!" Zephon was always kind of a tattler; he would lurk in the shadows waiting to scrounge up some dirt on his fellow brothers.  
  
Well if you would stop that damn hissing noise maybe I would stop shedding on you!"  
  
Everyone started arguing and complaining, while Raziel just thought to himself. {God, I have to spend the next four years with these losers. I wonder what dad is doing right now.}  
  
Back at the Sanctuary  
  
Kain slid into the room wearing nothing but a pair of boxers, sunglasses, and a hat. He was singing along with one of his records, "Who likes short shorts, I like short shorts!"  
  
A/N: I know it was short and not very funny. But I can't write well unless I know my work is being appreciated, so leave me a review and tell me what you think, any advice you have on funny things I could add are extremely welcome. 


	2. A Night at the Club

A/N: If you're reading this right now, than that must mean you must like my story. So leave a review, cause if you don't...than that means you're a thief! A common thief! * Audience gives author a strange look. * What? Oh, and thank you angelguardian666 for the review, it was very much appreciated.  
  
~Chapter 2!  
  
"So does everyone remember the one rule Kain gave us?" Raziel asked, though all he got in return were a bunch of blank stares from the other vampires. "The rule he gave us five minutes ago on my cell phone?" Silence. "Do any of you even know what I'm talking about?" It was so quiet you could here a pin drop. "Sigh! He told us that we couldn't go around campus biting everyone! If we need blood, he said there would be a blood bank somewhere nearby, whatever that is."  
  
Turel's ears perked up, "Anything with the word blood in it, I like!"  
  
"What if I were to say, hey guys, let's kill Turel and drink his blood!"  
  
"That was cold Zephon, you hurt my feelings."  
  
Suddenly Raziel perked up with excitement hitting his head on the car roof. "Damn it! Well...we're here...thank God."  
  
So they started to unpack their things in their new home, unfortunately there were only three bedrooms, which meant they had to share. After three hours of intensive bickering between the siblings, they had agreed on their roomies. Dumah and Rahab would share one, (the nerd and the jock, a potent combination) Zephon and Melchiah would get another, (the bum and the goth) and last but not least, Raziel and Turel would have the third. (The pimp getting funky with the drunk!)  
  
So after the "Fab 6" was done arranging their furniture and belongings, they sat around on the couch trying to figure out what to do, since school didn't start for a couple days. "Let's go to the bar!" Turel suggested, even though everyone knew he just wanted to get drunk and party.  
  
Everyone agreed that it was a pretty good idea except for Melchiah. "I'm a goth, and I don't believe in conforming with the rest of you people."  
  
They all glanced at each other before Raziel blurted out, "Grab him!" So they all packed into the car and drove to the nearest bar, from there it got a little crazy...  
  
"Turel walked up to the bartender, "Yeah, I'll take a Bud." Trying to do the best imitation of those underage guys on TV.  
  
"Sure, but I'll need to see some ID."  
  
"What!? I'm over 300 years old and I need an ID?"  
  
The bartender looked as if he was getting agitated, "Of course, we card everyone who looks like they might be under 21."  
  
"I'm flattered by the compliment, but I would just like my beer please."  
  
"No ID, no drink."  
  
Turel just sighed and thought to himself. {How am I supposed to have a fun night if I can't get drunk? Think Turel, think! Wait I've got it! I'll just steal someone else's drink. Turel you sly devil you...}  
  
Turel looked around trying to find a man who looked distracted enough so he could steal their drink. He spotted one out of the corner of his eye. "Okay, act casual and just swipe it while walking by..."  
  
He approached the man and wrapped his taloned hand around the drink; unfortunately for him he wasn't the only one reaching for it. "Hey what do you think you're doing!? Trying to steal my drink are you? It's about time someone taught you some manners." The man took a swing at Turel but he just dodged it while grabbing him and throwing him out the window. So now it looked as if Turel could finally enjoy his night.  
  
As for Raziel, it was a bit tougher. "Hey baby, my name might not be Elmo, but you can tickle me whenever you want." He was greeted by a slap in the face. "Okay, next one." He approaches another woman. "If I could rearrange the alphabet, I'd put U and I together." She then kicks him in the crotch, "Well, third times a charm." He goes up to another one. "Hey baby, can I put my Banana Republic in your gap?" She just walked away while Raziel threw his book called '100 Greatest Pick Up Lines' on the floor. This damn thing doesn't work! I'll have to use my foolproof one." He casually walks up to a girl sitting at a table, "Do you happen to have a map, cause I keep getting lost in your eyes." And like usual, it works like a charm. The two get up and leave the club and head back to her place.  
  
Dumah just sat at the bars with the other gays...I mean jocks! And enjoyed the football game all night.  
  
Rahab met up with a fellow girly nerd and they discussed the laws of gravity. (It was a women you sick pervert!)  
  
Zephon just slept on one of the tables alone and depressed, but too lazy to talk to anyone.  
  
And of course Melchiah went out on the dance floor and busted some moves with a few lady "friends." (For the record, his form of dancing is lighting up a cigarette and turning left and right while taking a puff every three seconds. Just in case you were wondering.)  
  
A/N: Chapter three probably won't be up until late Friday night, so you'll have to make do till then. If you can't live without finding out what's going to happen next, then I suggest you past the time by reading one of my other stories and leaving a review. Have a nice day! 


	3. The First Day of School

A/N: Sorry for the long wait for an update, but with my baseball season, and the school year winding down it's hard to find time to write. But I have a few free moments so I thought I might write a short chapter to get you slowly 'back in the mood.' Author gives the reader a wink Also, after this chapter I plan to jump ahead to around Christmas time, and dedicate one chapter to every characters thoughts up to this point, and yes that includes Kain. So on with the story and I hope you like Rahab's new friend...  
  
Chapter 3  
  
Raziel awoke with a groan; he had had way too much to drink last night. He got up and looked at the clock after glancing at the girl who was sleeping next to him. "Oh God, it's 11:30! I was supposed to be at my psychology half an hour ago!" He quickly threw on his skintight leather pants and shirt while racing out the door.  
  
He could hear the girl calling his name. "Raziel, will I ever see you again?"  
  
"Sure baby, in your wildest fantasies." Came the reply.  
  
He walked in to class, and the professor glared at him. "Raziel, you're late!"  
  
His eyes danced around the room trying to think of an excuse. "Am I truly late, or are you just early?"  
  
The professor groaned, "This isn't Philosophy class Raziel, now please take a seat and stop disrupting everyone else who actually wants an education."  
  
He then sat down in the free seat to his left and started mumbling to himself. {You may have won the battle, but the war isn't over...} Raziel's eyes turned from cat-like yellow to fiery red.  
  
Turel was feeling good and ready to learn, with all the ass kicking he had to do last night he didn't have much time to get drunk. But drunk or not, he was sitting in bartending class in hopes that he could open up his own bar back at the Sanctuary. The teacher kept babbling on about safety rules and such, making Turel extremely bored. So he raised his hand to ask a question. "Uh, yeah, when do we get to start mixing alcohol and getting drunk?"  
  
"Well first you must learn how to mix things."  
  
Turel grew agitated, "But I already know how to!"  
  
The professor picked up a glass of orange juice and toothpaste from his desk and handed it to him. "The day you can mix these two things together and make it actually good, is the day you can get drunk off your ass in this class."  
  
Turel smirked as he pulled a small glass container from his coat and mixed all three of the ingredients together. "Here you are, I'm done." He said as the professor raised an eyebrow to him and picked up the glass to try it.  
  
Zephon slowly dragged his ass out of bed and went to class. He was training for a degree in teaching, surprisingly active, for someone as lazy as him. But of course, everyone has his or her reasons for doing something, and Zephon was no different. He had intently thought about it for a long time, but what had sealed it for him was the fact that there were tons of kids roaming the halls, and attending his classes. All that "fresh blood" for him to take advantage of, plus the fact that he would be getting paid for it too! Too bad he fell asleep halfway through the class.  
  
Rahab decided to pick up a nice pie so he could lure his neighbors over to their place for "dinner." Unfortunately, he got more than he bargained for on his way back home after physics class (he was hoping to become a scientist if you were wondering) he found out that the pie was alive! "Hello there! I hope you don't plan on eating me."  
  
Rahab stood there in shock. "You...you can talk!?" He managed to stammer out.  
  
"Of course I can silly, you should know that by now if you're planning to become a scientist." The pie noticed his physics book, "You know, I'm quite good in the field of physics, maybe I could help you learn it if you didn't eat me?" So from then on the pie and Rahab became friends...until one fateful night...  
  
A/N: Like I said at the beginning, it was going to be short. But if you're wondering I left Melchiah and Dumah out on purpose. Their days require full chapters dedicated to them to explain their mishaps. Dumah is looking to make it as a football star, and Melchiah wishes to become an actor. What will happen? Review, and I shall reveal all! Also, I would like to thank Master Lizard, FunktasticMe, Covenant Elite, AquaSword, and Mikoto Zoku. Thanks guys for all the nice reviews, at least some people care! 


	4. Rahab's Thought's

A/N: Yay! No more school, this means I can write more! Sorry for the wait and all, my internet went haywire for a month, but it's all better now. And like I promised here is the first of many chapters dedicated to the characters thoughts.  
  
Chapter 4  
  
"Man, what a long four months! Nothing went right. My bastard roommates ate my only friend for dinner a couple weeks ago. We had barely any time to get to know each other. He was even going to introduce me to the new world of sexy parties."  
  
Rahab begins to think back to that fateful night two weeks ago, "Man, am I hungry!" Dumah roared.  
  
"Well, we could eat Larry the talking pie. He would taste pretty good right about now." Raziel suggested.  
  
So with that the five vampires advanced on the pie and slaughtered him on the sight. Fifteen minutes later Rahab walked in, just getting back from his physics class. His exuberant smile changed to a horrified grimace, blueberry pie marks were smeared all over the faces of his brothers. "You sons of bitches I was going to eat that pie! I'll kill you!"  
  
"Now calm down Rahab," Turel started, "You're just having your period again."  
  
"Damn it! I'm a man Turel!"  
  
"Riiiiggghhhttt." Was heard in unison.  
  
"Then there is the fact that Melchiah sits in his room at night trying to raise Satan, though the best he can do is get a few of his minions to come out. Last night I was even attacked by one...Well, that or Zephon was trying to kill me again. He has strange homicidal thoughts at night, so Dumah and I have decided to keep the door locked at all times so he can't get to us. It gives us a false sense of security."  
  
"Rahab!" Called Raziel, "Get your ass in the car already it's time to get a move on if we want to make it in time to Dad's for Christmas break."  
  
"I'll be there in a minute Raziel!"  
  
Raziel just sighed and mumbled to himself, "That's what you said an hour ago..."  
  
So Rahab jotted down the last few notes he had about how well school had been going. Then he put away his pink diary and hid it under his mattress, he hoped none of the others would ever find it, if they did then that meant he would be the laughing stock of the household."  
  
A/N: Hope you liked it, please review and I'll keep writing! 


	5. Turel's Thought's

A/N: Hi guys, are you ready for the next chapter? Well here you go; this one is dedicated to Turel's thoughts. Enjoy!  
  
Chapter 5  
  
"What...who...when...god I'm drunk," Turel mumbled to himself as he headed to the toilet. He spent about twenty minutes throwing up in there. "I swear, as long as I live I shall never drink again." He opened the fridge and peered inside. There was a twelve pack that was still untouched. "BEER, kick ass, I haven't had that in ages!" With that he gulped it down and before he knew it, his life was flashing before his eyes.  
  
"You idiot, you're telling me that you killed a bunch of humans, took their blood, mixed it with gasoline, and starting lighting all your brethren on fire! How dumb can you get?" With that Kain took off his belt and began to whip Turel.  
  
"Damn it dad, you got Dumah on the football team, but you couldn't kill a few more people for me?"  
  
Kain was tired of coming up with stupid excuses, so he just told him the truth. "Turel, you suck get over it. There's no way you could ever play football, you're too small."  
  
"What I lack in size I make up in annoyingness!"  
  
"We all know that if you would have just eaten your Wheaties like I'd asked you might have had a chance of making the team. The box did say that it was the breakfast of champions you know."  
  
Turel just sighed and rolled his eyes, "Dad, the only thing we've ever eaten in this place is raw meat dripping with blood. Not once have you ever offered us anything else!"  
  
"Not once have you ever asked for anything else." With that Kain walked out of the room, leaving an eerily silent and confused Turel to think over what his father had just told him.  
  
"The bartender downed the entire glass and looked at Turel as if he'd just seen a newly married interracial gay couple walking down the streets. "How the hell did you make something like that taste good!"  
  
"I'm afraid I can't tell you that, it's an old Turel family recipe." He smirked, it was just ordinary orange juice and toothpaste mixed together laced with a little LSD for that special flavor of course. And from then on bartending class became more 'blurry' to put it lightly.  
  
Raziel stood over Turel's unconscious body poking him with a stick. "Get up you lazy bum, we have to get moving!"  
  
Turel groaned and finally awoke from his slumber after being poked for two hours. "Why does my kidney hurt so much?"  
  
"Never mind that," Raziel snapped, "Just get in the car and then you can drink yourself to death."  
  
"Fine, just give me a moment to grab my giant beer hat and we can go." Turel got up and grabbed it before heading to the car. "Jackass," He mumbled to himself after getting stuck in-between Zephon and Rahab.  
  
A/N: I hoped you liked it, and I hope you'll leave a review too. Writers always love to get feedback on their work. Until next time, enjoy your summer while it's still here. 


End file.
